Sorry Mom and Dad! -Translation

/ Anjali Khanal

This is my translation version of सरी मामूबाबा !

“Don’t you have to read? Stop jumping around and go read; you got so less grades last time, go and improve it; your friend got so good grades than you, learn something from her” these are some of the common comments we heard from our parents in some point of our life. Most of the times parents don’t realize how the comments they are passing to their children is affecting the child. Everyday when a child hears something nonsensical like these the mental torture they go through is not understood by parents at all. Whenever they get compared to other children the inferiority complex that a child faces is indescribable. They hate both the person comparing them to others and also the person they are being compared to. As per the research, This not only creates a problem to the child in this phase but also when they grow up, they feel that complexity somewhere in them.

The letter below is written by those children to their parents. This letter is for those parents who decide the future of a kid on a basis of grades they get in schools, who compare their kids to others and also think that their child should be like those who are good in studies.

An open letter to all the parents from all the children:

Dear mom and dad,

You all might be confused since I am writing this letter all of a sudden to you guys! But, my result day is approaching and my heart is not in peace at all. I have a fear inside me that’s hunting me down. I do not have the fear about the lower grades or the marks, but I have a fear what if I cannot score as much as you guys have expected from me. What if I get grades much lower than your colleagues children, the fear of you feeling ashamed again is crawling up on me.

You always taught me to get higher grades than others, but still the disappointment that you have had till now due to my inability to attain that marks is scaring me out because I am sure that will continue this time too.

I have cried myself to sleep many nights with a guilt of not being able to give you guys that happiness. Again I have to see your sad faces and disappearing trust on me is what fears me so much.

Whenever you come to my room and check up on me every other half an hour, I start getting more anxious. I know that is your love towards me,. But I fear what if I cannot give you guys as equal grades as much as your love for me.

I still remember your embarrassed face when school invited for a talk because of my lower grades. I still pretend to have more assignments and tasks so that I can avoid going to family meetings because I won’t be able to watch you being teased by the relatives just because of my poor grades.

When I was a little girl, you told me to grow up first and do all these things later. But, mom dad, now when I have grown up I just don’t see anything except darkness and fear around. Whenever you all scolded me for being nonsense, not obeying you, being careless, all those time time I always felt like hiding inside a closet and crying for the entire day. Those moment I always thought you would be so proud if you had a child who was more studious than me and more talented too.

For all my life I have heard about competition, winning others, better grades and now whenever I look around I just find nothing else making sense at all. I just don’t find anything else that might be possible to do in this life. Learning by rote an entire book for a whole day and not getting anything else to do is frustrating me now. Going to school for whole eight hours and after being back home again being forced to go through the books until its sleep time is frustrating me now. Changing my school three times a row in four years just with the expectation of my higher grades is frustrating me now. Not being able to go hangout with my friends, instead studying and studying is frustrating me now.

Dad, I know you were the topper of your school and you expect the same from me. I know you are worried for my grades but I have been doing what I can and what I am able of. Mom, I know you had to complete all your work at home before attending school, Unlike you, I have a great easy life and have only one task, but I am not getting lower grades because I m spoiled, instead I tried my best and got it because I m capable of getting that much only. If I take a bucket to the ocean, I can never bring back the entire ocean mom, I will only be able to bring back a bucket full of water, since that’s all I can.

I read a Sanskrit verse once somewhere: 
मुण्डेमुण्डे मतिर्भिन्ना कुण्डेकुण्डे नवं पयः
साधवो नहि सर्वत्र चन्दनं न वनेवने ।।
Which meant each head gets different sets of brain, each well contains different kind of water in it! Not all humans are saints and not all forest has sandalwood tree in them.
Since different heads have different brains, I too might have been getting lower grades because of that! Right mom?

School always pressurized us on getting good grades, my Friends always teased me for lagging behind, now when even you both have started to be upset seeing my lower grades, I have started to feel that I have some kinds of problem within me only! What if I really have shit dung all over my head instead of a brain? I cannot open up and go up to anyone nowadays. Like you all said, 
What if I get lost in between the crowd due to my lower grades? I know you both love me a lot, but I have a fear that I will be lost being mashed under all these pressure of good grades!

Mom dad, please save me, I don’t want to be crushed under all these pressure! Please save me!

– With love,
Your child.

Note: While translating I wasn’t able to completely translate the Nepali sentences in English. There might be many mistakes. Will keep on improving. Correction suggestions will be appreciated.

मुण्डेमुण्डे मतिर्भिन्ना कुण्डेकुण्डे नवं पयः
साधवो नहि सर्वत्र चन्दनं न वनेवने ।।

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108 thoughts on “Sorry Mom and Dad! -Translation”

  1. This is truly touching, and this maybe one of my favourite posts so far! ❤️
    Parents shouldn’t unnecessarily pressurize their kids to aim for unrealistic expectations. They must be aware that not everyone is the same when it comes to approaching studies.

    Liked by 13 people

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  4. Ohhh my heart! This is utterly beautiful and tender and authentic and pure. I truly hope parents can read this so that they are reminded to truly love, guide, inspire, understand, and accept their children. For that is the only way that children really grow to their full potential. ❤️❤️❤️ ULTIMATELY IT’S ALL ABOUT LOVE. ❤️❤️❤️

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  5. Yes. You have touched on a subject that is a concern of many parent-child relationships regarding school. Children are different, and if one cannot achieve what the others can achieve, they should not be expected to do so. Just like a parent going to work on a job filled with pressure, a child should measure up to his or her abilities but not be expected to do more. Parents should work with the school to try and determine what the problem is when low grades occur.

    I would like to ask, since you have opened the subject. What would a child want a parent to do in place of expecting the child to achieve what parents know the child can achieve? A parent on a job must achieve what the boss expects or lose the job. School is the training-ground (so to speak) for preparing children to meet the expectations of a working world. How do parents do this?

    Thank You for sharing. It is a much-needed discussion. I applaud you for being willing to address it. Blessings!

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    • I am not raising the topic here for asking parents to stop guiding their children. I know school is a training ground where students are prepared to meet the expectation of the world. But weighing every child’s capabilities in the same weighing machine and disgracing a child just because he cannot reach the mark that school or the people have created can be little harsh sometimes. Just because a child is bad in his study doesn’t mean he cannot stand against the world anymore. Education is necessary but not to the extent where that education starts suffocating the child only. Parents must understand the child even if he fails, and support him just as much as when he would pass the test. Complaining and scolding might make him feel that he’s incapable of doing that at all. He might start feeling very bad about himself. Everyone passes this phase, everyone has grown up passing the childhood too, I think when it comes to matter like this, Parents too must think like a child. Why he’s not able to attain that and what can we do to help rather than expecting him to study much harder and get good grades next time. They must think of ways that will not make the child feel that he’s any different from.other kids. (In My Opinion)

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      • I agree with your concept. I had different standards for one child due to learning disability. The other two were A students. While I did not expect As, I did expect above a C., but I expected less of the other one due to disability. So I agree with what you are saying. My point is, give suggestions for parents. If they are complaining, it is because they do not know any other way. They need understanding and help just as much as the kids do. I applaud you taking a stand, but stand for both sides — not just one. Blessings!

        Liked by 3 people

      • Thank You! I have worked both sides of the concern. With the Children and with the Parents. And, I have been a Child and a Parent. Parents tend to get raked over the coals while the Children are pitied. Neither extreme works with either one. Thank You for caring enough to listen. Blessings. If I can help, please let me know.

        Liked by 3 people

  21. This is happening in three fourths of families.

    It is sad that our successes are being measured by yardsticks and goals others (parents, schools, society) set for us.

    Whereas True success is when we set our goals ourselves.

    Liked by 8 people

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  22. Reality captured in words. This practice that parents tend to follow and pressurize their children right from the early age till the child gets both physically and mentally exhausted is a very grim reality. Thank you for sharing ❤

    Liked by 6 people

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  25. I am the kind of a person who doesn’t really work on improving her grades. The first time I realised how much it was hurting my parents was when i messed up my Alevels. I can understand how the pressure to make your parents proud outweighs your mental/physical capacity. But don’t for a second think that a few grades will change your parents’ perspective or love towards you. I know you can do so much more irrespective of what grade you fall in 🦋

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  27. Very true.. It is really very sad. It affects kids mentally when parents tend to compare kids and pressurize them. Children start developing a fear, end up doing wrong stuffs and their future itself is messed up. All this needs to change for a better future.🙂

    Liked by 7 people

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  28. Yes, the pressure needs to stop. Let kids be kids, one of the causes of mental breakdowns for students these days is the pressure from their parents. They get pressured enough from school, teachers and their social peers. It’s crazy that they still get that at their homes.

    Loved the way you put the whole issue in this post ❤️

    Liked by 5 people

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  30. It’s wrong for a parent to verbally lash a child for low grades. It makes things worse. It makes them enter exams with tension which in turn makes it hard to think straight – failure.
    A child needs to do well in school so that the efforts of the parents won’t be a waste. The best thing to do when a child is not doing well is to help them in any way possible to make them better. and reward them for their strength. Every child has a strong spot as well as weak spot. Praise and reward them for their strength, tell them what you want them to do and they will do it better.

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  32. Really great post! Unfortunately, too many children these days are forced to let go of their childhood too soon and are pressured into spending all their time getting good grades. I am so grateful my parents never pressured me about grades and went out of their way to make sure I knew good grades shouldn’t be the most important thing in my life.

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  33. I love this blog Anjali! I know especially back in India, there is pressure to become a topper of the class. As the years have gone on, I have learnt more and more that grades don’t define you as a person, and there are other things more important than just doing well in exams!

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  36. I agree with this! Although my parents never did this to any of us, I knew too many other kids whose parents seemed to live through them. It was as if they were wanting their children to make up for what they blew. My heart goes out to you!

    Liked by 5 people

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  37. So touching …… beautifuly penned down the true emotions of a child ….👌👌👏👏🥰🥰
    It’s high time that parents should learn how to deal with their kids in respect of studies.
    I do believe that we as parents should give our kids the sky to fly ……

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  38. really… this is something we had faced during school life…. sometime with whole heart we cannot reach the parents expectation….. crossing so much years i understood not those grade matters to live a satified life…..and i loved your writtings….

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  44. I can totally relate to this post. I felt immense pressure growing up as a child even until now as an adult.

    Growing up in a strict and conservative family is hard, although I could see why parents think they’re doing it for the child’s best interest. I would like to let parents know that what they think is “best” should not come at the expense of their child’s mental health. Teen suicide linked to depression is real.

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